Sure, I've known this was coming for long enough to do something about it, but laziness and a skewed vision of the year's end has granted me a way of tackling it head on without making any motions here or there. I will accept my fate before doing anything about it.
I can know that it's a silly thing to do, that I should have been making severe efforts to thwart this impending moment, but I just didn't want to. This was a good moment, these past few years, one that some would idolize and one that many others would mock me over. To each their own, but it is one I've been happy to experience, and I take happiness in knowing that I've done something that not many have done.
And that's kind of 'it.' It was something that came up, amidst an uneven time in my life, one that I was unwilling to accept at the time. I had come home, to the place I never wanted to come home to again, and I was stuck there for the foreseeable future. I had lived the big city life for a little over a year, a goal I'd tried to attain since moderately dipping my toes in it some years prior, and I'd finally done it, and I'd succeeded at it mostly. I had fallen into work, not necessarily good work, but well-paying, and I made good friends from it. The pay allowed me the ability to stay put, to experience a life indoors in a place I idolized outdoors.
I spent many hours at work, going over files and papers and just doing my job. It required many hours of overtime per week, but it was worth it. I lived there, and I liked it. The only drawback, among some that aren't currently of significance, was that my long-time girlfriend was back home, four hours away.
We made the most of our time apart, and saw eachother once or twice a month. We talked daily, nightly, whenever we had a chance, and though I enjoyed my lone life, I never stopped missing her, no matter the fun I had on my own. For I did like the lone life. I had never really known it, and to be on my own was something I will forever miss, and forever look upon fondly as something that was good, and great, but never to be allowed to me again. I must be happy with that moment as it was.
Now my life has often fallen prey to it's own designs, which is quite nice actually. I had made a promise to my lady that after a year of this life, WE would make a decision. The decision being where to live, here or there, I would let her decide and we would do that. I had expected that from her joyous visits that she would choose here, as supposed to the too-long situated 'home.' But she didn't, she chose home, there, so I was going back, despite my deepest wishes. But along with this I sort of coincidentally lost my work, so as with most things in my life, they seemed to be working out for the best. I had offers to stay, to work somewhere else, but it was a failing industry, and those works did eventually flounder and fall while I was safely at home, at ease, but unhappy with my location.
I came home nearly debt free, something I had never really known before. What to do with this new-ish start in life? I looked for jobs, turned good paying ones down, and eventually found one I had always dreamt about, never thought likely, and fun above anything else. I did this for three years much to the chagrin of family and friends, but never to my closest loved one. But I had racked up my debt again, and I was floundering to live the life at home. I soon found a way to abolish all of my silly spending but still allowing the silly spendings of my other. I argued it a lot, but never to any received or accepted truths. Though it would aid in our combined downfall, it would not be changed. Ever.
So it comes to now, a time where I will lose the fun, the dream, but it's one I always knew would come to an end sooner or later. Usually I stay at jobs for about a year, grow bored, move on. Three times now I have stayed at one job for three years, albeit during which times I did other work either on the side or took ventures away only to head back. So it's three and 3 now. This is the third with three years. I am done tomorrow, and I have no idea what to do now. I have just turned 30, and the new year is a day away. I will have paid off my car, lowered my insurance, maxed out my credit cards, lost my job, said goodbye to my 20's, to my youth, and say hello to an unsure new year. It is this train of problems and accomplishments that have littered the previous year, and will give rise to possibilities for the next.
Most of my last year's resolutions were not met, so I must make more attainable goals for this one. Or at least rise to accomplish them this time around. So here goes:
- Pay off at least one credit card (but shoot for both)
- Attend school
- Finish at least one story, rough draft or fully finish
- Begin work on my own projects, at least one.
- Generate a financial safety net
- Find a job, one that will help quickly eliminate money issues
- Determine whether or not this new 'project' will work or not ( I know what it is.)
- Travel to at least one place out of the ordinary
- Celebrate next year's end somewhere else
- Find balance of hobby and work
- Get into shape (though I'm almost there now)
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